Bars jokes
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
Why did everyone run from the Mexican when he went to the snack bar?
He said "¡Hola snack bar!" ¡Hola means hello in Spanish.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"
The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”
Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?
Because it couldn't count the bars!
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could always count his bars.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.