Bars jokes
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”
The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
Q: What’s Jackie Chan‘s favorite drink to have at a bar?
A: Wo-Tah!
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
Logic fire bars in Fortnite sped up to sound like he [is a] chipmunk like Alvin, Simon, and Theodore :)
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Why was the math book sad at the rapper?
Because it knew it couldn't count on his bars.