Bars jokes

Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the concert?

To COUNT his BARS.

A redneck and a Black man walk into a bar and order a drink.

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.

I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.

A blind guy walks into the door of a bar...

That's it... that's the end of the joke.

What do gay girls order in a bar?

Pussy juice.

So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"

The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Three Vulcans walk into a bar.

The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."

The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."

The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

What's the best part of being an orphan?

All the chips and candy bars are family sized.

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

A guy walked into a bar.

A guy walked out of a bar.

Two whales went to a bar.

The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

Why did the rapper join a gym?

To get those SICK BARS.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

Two Chinese men walk into a bar.

"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."