Bars jokes
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he knew how to count his bars!
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
Helen Keller walked into a bar, a chair, and a table.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
Helen Keller walked into a bar...
And into a table, and into a chair.
Helen Keller walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and a wall.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.