Bar jokes
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop some HOT BARS!
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some BARS on the other side.
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could always count his bars.
What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2)
“I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
How do you know if a rapper's broke?
When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.