Bar jokes
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some BARS on the other side.
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could always count his bars.
What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2)
“I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
How do you know if a rapper's broke?
When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!
Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?
Because it couldn't count the bars!
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the concert?
To COUNT his BARS.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”