What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
A guy is sitting at a bar, when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!ā
I ran into a fat woman today she said next time donāt hit me. I said I donāt think I have enough gas to go around. Then the ground start to rumble with every step she took
What is red and cries and spins around and around? - A baby in a microwave.
BlessedBrianās face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever IāM around
Whats michael Jackson got in common with santa? They both empty there sacks around children.
Guys I promise Iām not suicidal, I just like dark things. *proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
Call me a worn-out sweater because Iām hanging on by a thread, thatās about to become a rope around my neck
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, āWhich human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?ā
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, āYou should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! Iām going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!ā
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, āWhich body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?ā
Little Maryās mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, āBoy, is she going to get in big trouble!ā
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, āAnybody?ā
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, āThe body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.ā
Mrs. Parks said, āVery good, Billy,ā then turned to Mary and continued.
āAs for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didnāt read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.ā
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, āa lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.ā
āThat explains one black eye,ā the wife says, ābut what about the other?ā The man explains, āI figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up thereā