Are jokes

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

Why are carpenters never horny after work?

Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

Why are Mexican families so big?

They don’t know how to put a condom on.

Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?

Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?

Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

Why are disabled people screwed?

Because you can't run or hide!

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.