Appearance jokes
Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Site nearly as dead as my trim.
Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.
It's also why he has no eyes.
Kasper has a tiny penis.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Your hairline is Vegeta’s upside down!
McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.
You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"
Why is Sean's fashion so poor? He's retarded!
Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣
What's the difference between Spongebob and a feminist?
A feminist has hair.