Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ. "My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!!" And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul. WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS And so he did.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Tuxedos suit you.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
