Apparent jokes

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?

The punchline isn’t apparent.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.... :\

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.