Apparent jokes
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.
So apparently, Kurt Cobain's death was mind-blowing.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like? Go look in the mirror.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.