And jokes

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

What’s black and at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

What is the difference between Obama and Osama?

Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

"Do you want to hear a joke?"

"Yes."

"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"

Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!

You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏