And jokes

What's the difference between a bird and an emo?

Birds fly.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?

Fish and chaps.

What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?

Not everyone gets it!

Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".

I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

What do me and an emo kid have in common:

We both like to hang.

What is the definition of "Endless Love"?

Answer: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing "Tennis"!

When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.

When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.

Laugh now.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.