And jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer; the other one is just an orphan.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Why is there A/C in hospitals?

So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

A man walks into a bar... and he never walks out.

There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

(Answer)

There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

A blind man walks into a bar...

And then a chair.

And then a table.

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.

Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?

Rabbi: Fuck the children!

Priest: Do we have time?