And jokes
I got a chicken drum stick for lunch, thought I might drum up an appetite!
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
Memes
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?
"Romeow and Drooliet!"
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?
I had a good night, and I love it when you get a good walk and you get to.
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
VOTING SEMIFINAL 2
LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke.