And jokes

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?

The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?

What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?

It's white and it's brown.

Your mama so ugly she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.

What's white and sticky?

Toothpaste.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the

What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.