And jokes

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

What did the duck eat for lunch?

Soup and quackers.

What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.

What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.

When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!

One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.

"Who are you?"

"I am mountain man!"

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?

Beth-la-ham

My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

How do you confuse a fish?

Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?

Answer: A math problem.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"