And jokes

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.

Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.

What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.

Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.

Yo mama so fat, she eats with three utensils: a knife, spoon, and a forklift.

What is the same between water and dark jokes?

Not everyone gets it!

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?

Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Mom: Excuse me?

Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

What's the quiet kid's favorite school lunch? Mac-10 and cheese.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.