And jokes

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?

It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What is the difference between a flower and an orphan?

A flower gets picked.

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?

The feather, because the rope stopped the child.

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?