And jokes

What do women and Nvidia have in common?

They both do not make very good drivers.

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?

Because they both have eyes.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.

Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

No Body Knows.

No body nose.

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

A cheetah and a lion are racing.

The cheetah wins.

The lion says, "You a cheetah!"

The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"