And jokes

I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a drawer?

The drawer has papers.

Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?

They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

What goes up and down but stays in the same place?

Stairs.

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.