And jokes

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?

Reality.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised.

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

I finally know why my brain doesn't work!

On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.