And jokes

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?

I don't know! I don't care!

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?

Reality.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised.

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.