And jokes

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and all over their land.

The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,

dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and

morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!

Not funny, here’s another.

Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.