And jokes

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.

Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?

Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.