And jokes

Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?

I don't know... I'm from China.

What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?

Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!

What's small, brown and crispy?

A baby in an oven.

What was purple and conquered the world?

Alexander The Grape.

Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?

The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.

The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.

What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starts, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus, you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

How do kill a redneck?

Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

One day Jack and Jill went up a hill. Jack got Jill drunk and horny, then took her to a hotel because Jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick.

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

You put food on the ceiling and they start jumping.

Yo mama so old, I bet she was born when dinosaurs were made, and also she killed them with they breath! 😭😭

The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.