And jokes
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Memes
Am I the only one here?
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
What's Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders. 😊
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,
And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.