American

American Jokes

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York

Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything, I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get and yet he won't speak!".

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!".

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon

Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.

One way to not pick up girl is to say, “are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you.” I tried it on a girl and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?