All jokes

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because it's all about family!

I don’t see what the problem is.

The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Why was the kid's report card all wet?

Because it was below "sea" level.

I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

A game that all orphans hate,

"Who's your Daddy?"

What is black, white, and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?

They took a class trip.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"