Hang in there, you all, Literally.
All Jokes
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, All the worse jokes come from you.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.
Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.
Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
