Alabama Jokes

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.

(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

How do you make Alabama cookies?

Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?

By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?

Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.

Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?

The redneck virgin.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."