Absence jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?

Call their parents.

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

Why do orphans always have water with their cereal?

Their dad never came back with the milk!

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

A selfie.

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.

Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."

"Really?" asked a little girl.

"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

What do orphans call a family pic?

A selfie.

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

Q: Why can orphans swim?

A: They have or-fins.

Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?

Parent Signature: _______

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

Why do orphans use water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.