I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
Yaroslavl Airplane Crash
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
What's the special part of town called? Downtown.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no balls to do it.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Why did the duck cross the road? To get to his Quack dealer
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 120 pounds. ;D
Yo mama so fat when she joined team 10 it became team 10 tons!
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pokemon?
People choose Pokemon.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.