Shower thoughts

We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.

One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."

The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent? She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

Is it possible to stutter in sign language?

Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I learned how to say virgin in German: "Good and tight."

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.