Darkest Of The Humor

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers? Their ankles.

What do Christians and gays have in common? They both say "Oh god" when they get on their knees.

Why did the slave go to college? To get his master's degree.

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

My dad is like my virginity I lost him at 12

What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

Why do white people own a lot of pets?

Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.

What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?

Michael Jackson's lipstick.

A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"