What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
Darkest Of The Humor
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters". The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it".
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed". I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there son".
What does the suicidal person say on New Years? "New year, no me"
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
What do sex and food have in common? Grandma makes both better.
Why do the Chinese children don't believe in Santa? Because they're the ones making the toys.
Why do white people own a lot of pets? Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
I was out dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
What do Christians and gays have in common? They both say "Oh god" when they get on their knees.
Why did the slave go to college? To get his master's degree.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo and she died in the tsunami. Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean".
My dad is like my virginity I lost him at 12
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile? Fitting in
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants? Michael Jackson's lipstick.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park. "Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate! The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers? Their ankles.