Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
My hair strainer is hotter than you.
Stop doing these orphan jokes, please, Rob.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?
Post Office.
Kid: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi, Loser!
Kid: Why?
Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!
Kid: Waaaaaaa!
I know this is not funny, but who cares?
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
A man can form Jupiter girls came from Venus, and other genders came right from Uranus.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Nothing, they can't talk.
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are picked.
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
Yo mama!
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.