What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
You Jokes
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What did the bank say to the person?
Bank you very much.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
What the hell is this website? Do you all think these jokes are funny?
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"
SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"
HE: "I'm a butcher."
SHE: "We're through!"
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
