How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
You Jokes
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
Almost all of you suck. If you're following me, hah, this isn't a joke, but it gave my profile a 1 thingy heheh. KYS, Wade =D
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
What do you call an emo girl with a flat chest?
A cutting board.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
"White people can't jump..."
"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."
Are you angry?
Go bully an orphan!
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Wanna know the last words of the south tower?
"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
