Newest Work Jokes - Page 21 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!

SOn:hey dad im cold can you give me a lift from work

Dad:Hi cold, Nice to meet you sorry i dont pick up strangers

Son:I hate you

so i was asleep and woke up and went to work my wife left already to her job i was driving my car and ran over someone i woke up in my bed realized it was all a dream 20 minutes later i got a phone call the my wife got hit bye a car

so one day a boy was at his dads work when another little boy ran in crying then the dad said aw little boy are you lost wheres your parents and the little boy at his dads work said OMG! dad you cant say that! why cant he say that?

Answer: He works at an Orphanage.

whats an orpans least favorite day: take your kid to work day

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

Everytime I'm come straight home from work you in the bed sleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket. Then the next thing I noticed you just came back from the dead in no time dummy.

September 11 bring your plane to work day

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"

So i was laying in bed and jt winter do my room is aleays cold cause the heater doesnt work. And i was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then i layghed cause who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

First Date: HE:"i work with animals every day!" SHE:"oh how sweet! what is it that you do?" HE:"I’m a butcher" SHE:“perfect i work with humans i just kill them by cutting them up!” HE:"so its you in the news paper?"SHE:"yes it was,wanna be next?" HE:"no!"

Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive. I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked "How is that supposed to work?". I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Why cant orphans work at S.C Johnson?

Because its a family company...

What did an Orange day before going to work?

Back to the rind!

A famous celebrity admitted that she was non-straight, suffered from a rare condition that changed the colour of her skin, did not age well, only wanted to be compensated for her work in the 5th month of each year at her favourite store while laying down: TO GET FAYE'S WAY, PAY GRAY, GRAY, GAY FAYE WRAY IN MAY AND LAY HER DOWN AT "THE BAY".OK!!!

You don't need brains to be a Boss. When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.