Why jokes
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.
Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.
I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????
Nope. I'm moving to Japan.
KONNICHIWA
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
Why is Hitler a hjhjfbfhf? Because he’s Hitler!
Why was the orphan's first phone an XR?
Because it had no home button.
Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?
Because she has to get on her knees.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Q) Why is Technoblade's body hard?
A) Cuz he was thinking of children on his deathbed!
Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...
*disconnected*
Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?
Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Why?
Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!
Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
Why are you making all these bad jokes about orphans? What did they ever do to you?
Kid: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi, Loser!
Kid: Why?
Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!
Kid: Waaaaaaa!
I know this is not funny, but who cares?