Whos jokes

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Old lady.

Old lady who?

I did not know you could yodel!

Okay, who the heck is watersharky? He just tries to "help" people, and he just posts stupid songs because he acts like he is depressed.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Ligma.

Ligma who?

Ligma bum crack!

What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

To those who are dead now, was it fun?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dyslexic.

Dyslexic who?

You.

The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?

Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.

And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.

The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!

The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

Who’s the hottest girl in the world?

Babe Ruth cuz she catches the sun.

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Steve!"

"Steve who?"

Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.

Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

Roger.

(Roger who?)

Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!

What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?

BLAZE RHYMES.