What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
Whats Jokes
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
An iPhone has a button to go home.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What's the depressed person's favorite song?
Van Halen - Jump
What's one piece of stationary gay kids always forget to bring to school? A ruler.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What did one emo kid say to the other? "Nice cuts, G!" (because they like to cut themselves).
What did one emo kid say to the other? "Nice guts, G!"
What do you call a sad porno?
A tear jerker.
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?
Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
