“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”

What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say “You’re next”. So I started poking them at funerals and saying “You’re next” to my friends.

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

i hooked up with the groom at my uncle’s wedding

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,

“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”

I was always poked and told at weddings your next…

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next…

I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting. Cause a royal wedding doesn’t happen once a week.

When I go to weddings old people will tell me I’m next but when I go to funerals I tell old people they’re next.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”

Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity then the SantaFe school shooting?

Cause Royal Weddings dont happen every week.

At weddings, old people poke me and say “you’re next!” So I do the same to them at funerals

what does a necrophiliac get at a wedding? mourning wood

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad’s wedding ring.

It was an emotional wedding even the cake was in tiers{if I explain it it will ruin the joke}

What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony? May divorce be with you.

Why do melons always have big weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!/

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting. Cause a royal wedding doesn’t happen once a week.

The wedding was so emotional, Even the cake was in tiers.

At weddings, old people tell kids “you’re next”. At funerals, little kids tell old people “you’re next”.

Which is the worst place to sit at inna wedding ? Between 2 buttcheeks

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