"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?
Panera Wed.
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
