Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?
Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?
Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.
Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?
Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.
Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.
Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.
Silence...................punch!
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
We should stop the orphan jokes. The parents will get mad.
In 2023, I hope we all get wiped out like the dinosaurs.
I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
