I walk on on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said mum, you really spoil those dogs!
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of sick fuck does that?
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend; and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road."
Kid: where do i put this ppr? teacher: i already said go ask ur neighbors. Kid: Ok *walks home to his neighbors house* Kid: hey neighbor i didn't know where to put this ppr and my teacher said to ask you do you know? Neighbor: no sorry i dont kid: okay bye! *kid walks back to school.* kid: teacher my next door neighbor didn't know. teacher: uhh you went home?! kid: yes you told meh to! teacher: i meant at school! kid: ohhhhhh! teacher: DUH!
Happy was a cute hippo Happy sleeps in the water Happy walks on land Happy runs on Savannahs Happy swims in mud Happy takes a bath
a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused
A basketball player walks into a strip club:Hi I heard I could bounce some balls here?
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen. "Are those brownies, I smell?", he asks. "Indeed, they are.", he was told. "Gee", he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts."
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
One day i was passing a blind man and i gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer next day i went for another walk and saw his grave
two hotdogs are walking accros the street one is walking slow what dose the 2 one say ketchup
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair
few jokes (sorry if they have already been used.) 1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall. 3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks. 4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans. 5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course! 6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." 7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler. 8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights
Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die. "After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families." This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio. "There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers". Some of the tribal members begin walking by displaying various implements of war and death. The first explorer chose a crusty looking musket. Thankfully the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss. The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat. Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen. The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought. After a few moments the chieftain, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..." "Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted? Baffled the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink. When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear. Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink. Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..." Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso nib first again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle. Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word. "But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked. Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"
A men and a boy went in a forest the boy said he was scared the men said how do you think i fill i have to walk back alone
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
i was walking and i saw a girl crying and she told me to take her doll house and i asked why?she said because i dont have one
a man walks into a bar he see's a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer, he gets on his hands and knees and prays to god out loud, the bar tender says, why are you praying? He says, because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand.
