Uncertainty jokes

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸

Why are transgender people like confused kids?

Because they both don't know what they want to be in life.

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.

That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...

Flat Earthers

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."