Uber jokes

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

Why did the Twin Towers go to Uber Eats?

Because they wanted something plain.

Uber driver: .........

Me: .........

Uber driver: .........

Me: 5 stars.

What do cannibals call a wheelchair user?

"Uber Eats."

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.

He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.

Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.

I know it's bad, sorry.

Why did I have to pay $300 on Uber?

I had to get from your forehead to your big ass nose.

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."