Twos jokes
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Memes
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.
Why can't Asians have a white baby? Because two wongs don't make a white.
Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two wrongs don't make a white.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
POV: I threw a paper airplane between the two twins, class.
Q: Why do Americans suck at Clash Royale?
A: Because they already lost two towers!
Why doesn't the U.S. Government play Clash of Clans?
Because they lost two towers already.
Q: Why are Americans bad at Clash Of Clans?
A: They already lost two towers.
When you name yourself "Twin Towers" and the terrorist in Kahoot.
Twin Towers are on fire.
The terrorist has a streak of two.
Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.