Twos jokes
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
What is the difference between genders and the Twin Towers?
They used to be two, now it's a touchy subject.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Memes
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.
Why can't Asians have a white baby? Because two wongs don't make a white.
Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two wrongs don't make a white.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
POV: I threw a paper airplane between the two twins, class.