Twins jokes
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Famous last words.
Twin towers: “Is it a bird, is it Superman? AAAAAHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIZZ!”
What's the Twin Towers' most favorite band? Al Qaedirection.
Why didn't Superman save the Twin Towers?
Because he's a quadriplegic.
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.
There used to be two of them, now it's a sensitive subject.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
Are you the Twin Towers?
Because I want to smash you.
America Twin Tower: "Hey, have you seen the Malaysian Twin Tower? I have, but only from 1971 to 2001."
Malaysian Twin Tower: "I STOOD LONGER!"
Are you the Twin Towers? Because I would smash you.
What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They wanted pepperoni, but instead, they got plane.
The Twin Towers ordered Domino's, what did they get instead?
Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?
The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.
What happens when you work in the Twin Towers? It connects to airplane WiFi.
I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.
Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.
What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?
My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.
What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?
One won't let you down, while the other will.