Twice jokes
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"