Our soon to be ex Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims He should fund proctologists too cause he'll likely need both after prison.
a friend sits across me at class so i assked if she wants to hang out somtimes she said yes so i called her over to my house and thats the day i found out she was a guy. the morul of the story dont try to fuck your frindes.
YO MAMA! Yo mama so FAT... i tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect it's balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
i tried getting an abortion but they said “sir this is a pizzeria”
Little Johnny got told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say : I know the truth they give you money so little Johnny says to his mum I know the truth so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone so when little Johnny’s dad gets home little Johnny says I know the truth his dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone so little Johnny try’s it on the post man and says I know the truth and the post man says come here son
I asked my daddy what sex was he said wanna cum and try it
Fortnite is so bad that when you try to play trash is always in your way. LOL
'...This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window.
"What's been going on John?"' I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!'
An emo tried to give a tree a hive but it left him haning
Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time and---you only hurt yourself.
Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow...then you in trouble!
Did you know that Former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
ex-bf's gf: your so ugly as hell me: oh did I mention that i was trying to be you
*stranger: tries to kidnap a kid* *kid: runs home* A few minutes later the kid was in the back of the van... If you know you know
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said "I will fuck you up", she said "try me", so that's exactly what I did and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying
The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid while the shooter tries to shoot him the emo kid dodges the bullets like the matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots him self.
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday? Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day. Teacher: Why is that your least favorite? Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive. Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
why does every emo kid try to be like tarzan? so they can swing on the vine
If i had 10 dyno nuggies and Jamal tried to take one i would have ten dyno nuggies and Jamal's head
