When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Me: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Me: Not your family.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until their parents come home.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
What is long, yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Why were 9/11 victims so mad?
They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
You know what orphans and Batman have in common? They'll both never see their parents again.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.
